"I am not free while any woman is unfree, even when her shackles are very different from my own." -- AUDRE LORDE
Bullying: An Inner and Outer Dynamic
It’s known that bullying is usually labeled as the act of picking on, belittling and in some instances mentally, physically, and/or emotionally abusing or even manipulating another’s well-being. The idea of it being an adolescent issue is socially primitive and emotionally intelligently void. There are organizational, establishment, and professional type bullying forms that happen when an individual merely looking for what they perceive as their “tribe” like-minded others having a subliminal or maybe obvious contingency as it relates to belonging.
Having to show adaptation to a certain mindset toward a less welcomed or perceived different colleague can be subject to covert bullying tactics. Whereas it’s questioned when an individual doesn’t conform to the alienating or avoidance acts of rejection. Inquiries and statements can surely make even adults question themselves (if they let it). Self-talk of “Why are you not going with the mass appeal” or “What does it say about you that you think of a co-worker as different than the rest of the team?”.
Bullying stands when anyone is forced to go against what they deem to be an acceptable way of being at the consistent urging to align with an alternate perspective that wasn’t even considered initially. This can occur in cliques and friend groups as well, the immature sort of cajoling that comes across as intimidation if choosing to interact with someone “other”. As if to say, we don’t consort with “then” so you don’t either. If you do, you risk being removed from your status in this group. As absolutely absurd as that reads, it occurs often in spaces like religions, fraternities/sororities, politics, and even sexually-oriented groups.
"This bullying tactic of guilt and passive-aggressive behavior led to further issues and the couple ended up not staying married."
Within relationship interactions, both romantic and platonic – conflict of all levels can be noted as unsaid forms of bullying also. There’s always the old statement used to bully a partner passively aggressively: “If you loved me, you’d ….” Or the frequently used methodology of We have kids/obligations or even “all of these years together”, so you cannot possibly think of anything relating to us NOT being together. An interesting example goes to a woman who wanted to be married and her partner thought some issues should be resolved before that major step was taken and suggested premarital sessions. The woman in her fear of a counselor seeing the holes that should be patched before delving into such a big step proceeded to accuse her partner of not loving her or not wanting to marry her and trying to avoid or stalling in the next level of commitment – causing the partner to acquiescence. This bullying tactic of guilt and passive-aggressive behavior led to further issues and the couple ended up not staying married.
Of course, by now observations and studies have shown that bullying is only the acted-out version of insecurity and fear. The threat of not being able to control the disposition or ideals of someone else for some reason brings out irrational and non-viable terms of thinking that really don’t allow solid foundations. In religions, the ideals are questioned for validity. In professional/organizational situations, fitting into the clique often is not desired and bullying techniques to engage are a turnoff. In friendships and romantic exchanges, the rose smell wears off and the actualities are showcased, leaving bullying ineffective.
However, there is another bullying outlook that occurs within oneself. The negative self-talk that occurs when not being where one thinks they should be, regret/resentment of prior actions or mistakes, which causes self-depreciation to grow with inner thoughts. Statements of should’ve, would’ve, could’ve, and next time “forced” habits and hopes. Still from inner spaces of insecurities, and the need to unpack the source of that disposition.
Bullying is not just something that’s applied, sometimes it’s also within.
Yuni
Adults Do Bully
To be a child bully is one thing. To be an adult who bullies is another. The focus on adult bullying seems limited. Usually, we hear about it after it’s too late. Someone has completed suicide to remedy their situation—there’s a brief news story or, if you’re a celebrity, we may see your name trending or accompanied by a hashtag. But soon after, their ending is forgotten until it happens to someone else.
Perhaps in recalling childhood, a story or two of the school bully or neighborhood bully comes to mind. Or the mean girls at school wreaking havoc on children too vulnerable to defend themselves, ask for help, or be believed. Children suffer. Some children barely survive. Some children don’t and take their lives. Survivors of childhood bullying grow up with destroyed self-worth, their confidence shatters for life, and the psychological damage usually shows up when they become adults. Unfortunately, some victims become bullies, and some continue to bully as adults. No correction or accountability leads to more bullying. Campaigns against bullying have deterred some from bullying; however, they must continue. They must include the message of what becomes of the bully and bullied more prominently. Bystanders who withhold information and do nothing must also be held accountable, especially when the bystander is in leadership. More education and resources are needed. There can never be enough when the result can be death by suicide or murder.
Bullying is about power. Size, strength, influence, and numbers are all used to make the bullied, who is vulnerable, feel less than others, or experience loss. These losses can be material or immaterial. The bully’s behavior is unrelenting, ruthless, calculated, and undeserving to their vulnerable target.
"The workplace has become the designated playground for adult bullies."
The truth is adults do bully. They bully in ways unimaginable. Their behaviors can be downright sadistic. Hurtful. Damaging. Mean women still circulate as a group or entity that wreaks havoc on other women. They still engage in the middle school antics of rumor spreading, gossip, and stalking, all of which are ways that bullying can take place. They blackball, try to block blessings, or they tell one-sided stories for a few laughs. They make videos, record conversations, and replay them when you aren’t around. They gaslight you and play head games. They damage property, mess with your businesses, and damage your reputation with embellished tales to vilify you and call you the bully. Bullying. Some use their position. Some use their connections. Some use their influence. Some use their privilege. This privilege is not just regulated by race. There is plenty of privilege in this world that others use to bully.
The workplace has become the designated playground for adult bullies. Bullies cannot steal your lunch money, but they can steal your joy and shine. They can’t beat you up, but they can beat you down by excluding you and silencing you. They can’t call you names to your face, but they can spread rumors and nickname you and have secret codes and conversations regarding you all to diminish your spirit, hurt you, or damage your professional standing.
Leaders today need to do more about workplace bullying. When creating the code of conduct, it should be clear that workplace bullying is grounds for termination after a thorough, unbiased investigation. Spend the money on external help because if you have workplace bullying, you probably have a climate of accepting this. As generations merge, it’s crucial that older employees, as well as young employees, know that bullying is unacceptable. No one gets a free pass because they have worked at the company for so many years, are old, have a diagnosis, or are well-liked. Address it.
If leadership is the bully, that’s an easy paper trail. Leaders have a higher standard to follow. They must follow guidelines. Their visibility is enough. Others see their actions. That’s why they hide behind others to exact their terror. They use others and then pretend not to see the bullying. In these circumstances, you must understand there is a climate of acceptance of bullying. Be careful in your approach. High-powered people in leadership have murdered others when they have been proven to be workplace bullies.
For those who are or have experienced workplace bullying, document with dates and times and find out what is legal at your job. If they are recording you, can you record them? Disarm them with kindness, and in kindness, speak up, and address the bully appropriately. In all things, follow the law. Seek counseling from a reputable counselor who will support you and who knows about workplace bullying specifically. The web of parts overlooked or ignored is too important to trust with someone who has no understanding or care regarding your lived experiences.
Article shared by CBS News about being bullied at the workplace:
https://apple.news/ASEds_fknSGahiRBT4TY5zg
First published on February 16, 2024 / 8:44 AM EST
© 2024 CBS Interactive Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Addressing Adult Bullying: Strategies for Therapy and Prevention in 2024
Introduction: Adult bullying is a pervasive issue that often goes unnoticed or unaddressed in society. While commonly associated with childhood, bullying behaviors persist into adulthood and can have severe consequences on individuals’ mental health, well-being, and overall quality of life. In this article, we delve into the demographics most affected by adult bullying, explore therapeutic interventions, and discuss innovative strategies for prevention in 2024.
Demographics Affected: Contrary to popular belief, adult bullying does not discriminate based on age, gender, race, or socioeconomic status. However, marginalized demographics may be more susceptible to experiencing bullying in various contexts:
Workplace: Adults in professional settings may encounter bullying from colleagues, supervisors, and even clients, leading to workplace stress, decreased productivity, and job dissatisfaction.
Social Media: The rise of social media has opened new avenues for adult bullying, with cyberbullying affecting individuals of all ages, particularly among younger adults and digital natives.
LGBTQ+ Community: Members of the LGBTQ+ community often face heightened levels of bullying and discrimination, both online and offline, exacerbating mental health challenges and social isolation.
Therapeutic Interventions: Addressing the psychological impact of adult bullying requires a multifaceted approach that integrates therapeutic interventions tailored to individuals’ needs. Here are some effective strategies employed by therapists in 2024:
Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT helps individuals recognize and challenge negative thought patterns associated with bullying experiences, equipping them with coping skills to manage stress and improve self-esteem.
Group Therapy: Group therapy provides a supportive environment where individuals can share their experiences, receive validation, and learn from others facing similar challenges, fostering a sense of belonging and empowerment.
". . .we can cultivate a more inclusive and compassionate society in 2024 and beyond."
Mindfulness-Based Interventions: Mindfulness practices, such as meditation and deep breathing exercises, promote self-awareness and emotional regulation, reducing the impact of bullying-related distress on mental health.
Preventative Solutions: While therapeutic interventions are essential for addressing the aftermath of adult bullying, proactive measures are equally crucial in mitigating its prevalence. In 2024, the following preventive solutions have gained traction:
Workplace Policies: Implementing comprehensive anti-bullying policies in workplaces promotes a culture of respect and accountability, providing clear guidelines for addressing and preventing bullying behavior among employees.
Digital Literacy Programs: Educating individuals about online safety, responsible digital citizenship, and the consequences of cyberbullying can empower them to navigate social media platforms confidently and responsibly.
Community Support Networks: Building strong community support networks, both online and offline, fosters solidarity and resilience among individuals affected by bullying, offering a sense of collective empowerment and advocacy.
Adult bullying is a complex issue with far-reaching implications for individuals’ mental health and social well-being. By prioritizing therapeutic interventions tailored to individuals’ needs and implementing proactive measures to prevent bullying in various contexts, we can cultivate a more inclusive and compassionate society in 2024 and beyond. Together, we can work towards creating safer environments where all adults can thrive free from the fear of bullying and harassment.
Understanding Adult Bullying: The What and Why Behind Hurtful Behavior
"Bullies may target others to mask their insecurities or to assert power and control over those they perceive as weaker."
Today, bullying isn’t just confined to the schoolyard. It’s a distressing reality that can rear its ugly head in workplaces, social circles, and online interactions. But what exactly constitutes adult bullying, and why do people engage in such hurtful behavior?
Adult bullying takes many forms, from overt acts of aggression to subtle forms of manipulation and exclusion. In the workplace, it might manifest as a boss constantly criticizing a subordinate or coworkers, spreading rumors and gossip. In social settings, it could involve exclusion from group activities or online harassment through hurtful comments and cyberbullying.
But why do adults bully? Understanding the motivations behind such behavior is crucial for effectively addressing and preventing it. One common reason is a sense of insecurity or inadequacy. Bullies may target others to mask their insecurities or to assert power and control over those they perceive as weaker. In some cases, bullying behavior stems from unresolved personal issues or past traumas. A person who has experienced abuse or neglect may unconsciously replicate those patterns in their interactions with others, perpetuating a cycle of hurtful behavior.
Social dynamics also play a significant role in adult bullying. Within groups, there may be pressures to conform and maintain social statuses. Bullying can be a means of asserting dominance or excluding those who are perceived as different (unique) or threatening to the group’s cohesion.
Indeed, jealousy often plays a significant role in adult bullying within social dynamics. When individuals feel threatened by someone else’s success, popularity, or perceived advantages, they may resort to bullying to assert their dominance or undermine the perceived threat. Jealousy also arises in interpersonal relationships, such as romantic partnerships or friendships. If one partner or friend perceives the other as becoming too close to someone else, they may feel threatened and respond with controlling or manipulative behavior, including bullying tactics.
In workplace settings, jealousy over promotions, recognition, or professional success can fuel bullying behavior, with individuals seeking to undermine their colleagues’ accomplishments out of envy or a desire to maintain their status.
Addressing jealousy as a motivator for bullying is critical in developing strategies for prevention and intervention. Encouraging open communication, promoting empathy, and fostering a culture of collaboration and support can help mitigate feelings of jealousy and reduce the likelihood of bullying behavior occurring within social groups, workplaces, and other settings.
Addressing adult bullying requires a multifaceted approach that tackles both the symptoms and underlying causes of such behavior. In workplaces, fostering a culture of respect and open communication is essential. Employers should provide training on conflict resolution and bystander intervention to empower employees to speak up against bullying behavior.
In social settings, promoting inclusivity and empathy will help. This can prevent exclusion and being ostracized. Encouraging open dialogue and addressing underlying tensions within groups can also help prevent bullying from taking root.
On an individual level, it’s consequential to recognize the signs of bullying and seek support if you or someone you know is being targeted. Counseling and therapy can help individuals address underlying issues that may be contributing to bullying behavior and develop healthier ways of interacting with others.
Ultimately, tackling adult bullying requires a collective effort from individuals, communities, and institutions. By understanding what and why behind adult bullying, we can work towards creating a safer, more respectful environment for everyone. Furthermore, it’s essential to hold perpetrators of bullying accountable for their actions. This may involve implementing clear policies and consequences for bullying behaviors in workplaces, schools, and online platforms. By enforcing consequences for bullying, we send a clear message that such behavior will not be tolerated. Education also plays a crucial role in addressing adult bullying. Teaching empathy, conflict resolution skills, and positive communication techniques can help individuals develop healthier relationships and prevent bullying before it starts.
In conclusion, adult bullying is a complex issue with deep-rooted causes that stem from personal, social, and cultural factors. By understanding what and why behind adult bullying, we can take proactive steps to prevent it and create a more compassionate and respectful society for all. It’s up to each of us to stand up against bullying and foster environments where kindness and empathy prevail.