Blood And Water
“A sister is a gift to the heart, a friend to the spirit, a golden thread to the meaning of life.” —Isadora James
Stephania Byrdsong O'neal,
M.Ed. in Sociology
B. S. in Elementary Ed and Biology with a minor in English
Sisterhood: Wings of Untiring Support
December 8, 2023
"Let sisterhood be a beacon of light that rejuvenates our resolve, reminding us that by supporting, empowering, and uplifting one another, we create a ripple effect of positivity in the world."
In today’s fast-paced and ever-evolving world, familial ties have become more vital than ever. While the significance of ‘sisterhood’ may vary from person to person, its essence remains unchanged across cultures and generations. Sisterhood not only represents the unbreakable bond between biological sisters, but it also encompasses the deep connection between close female friends who support, uplift, and inspire each other.
Sisterhood, at its core, is a celebration of the shared experiences, laughter, tears, and growth that women undergo throughout their lives. It bears witness to triumphs and stands as a pillar of support during challenging times. Sisterhood teaches us the true value of empathy, compassion, and solidarity. Forming a sisterhood means embracing diversity, empowering one another, and fostering a sense of belonging in a world that often seeks to divide us.
In the hustle and bustle of the digital age, where it’s all too easy to obsess over likes and followers, sisterhood serves as a gentle reminder to cultivate genuine relationships. Sisterhood insists on the importance of face-to-face conversations, heartfelt connections, and unconditional support. In a world that sometimes feels disconnected, sisterhood stands as an unwavering force that keeps us grounded and reminds us of our shared humanity.
Reflecting on my personal experiences, I can’t help but be grateful for the incredible sisterhood which surrounds me. Through the ups and downs of life, my closest female friends have been there to lend a listening ear, offer advice, and celebrate milestones. I vividly recall the countless times when my spirits were down, and it was my sisters who uplifted me on the wings of untiring support and love. Without my sisters’ unwavering belief in my abilities, I wouldn’t be where I am today.
Let the power of sisterhood inspire and motivate you to seek out and cultivate deep connections with the amazing women in your life. Embrace the unique qualities that each person brings to the table, and together, let us rise above the challenges that come our way. Let sisterhood be a beacon of light that rejuvenates our resolve, reminding us that by supporting, empowering, and uplifting one another, we create a ripple effect of positivity in the world.
Sisterhood is not just a word; it’s a powerful concept that embodies love, support, and unity among women. Its essence remains timeless, transcending boundaries and connecting hearts across the globe. In today’s modern era, sisterhood becomes more crucial than ever, reminding us to celebrate our bond of family and friendship; and cherish the incredible women who stand beside us in every walk of life. Let us remember that together we are stronger, wiser, and more capable of impacting positive change. So, let us unite in sisterhood and continue to inspire, motivate, and uplift one another on this remarkable journey.
Mindy Howard, M.S., LMFT
Sisterhood as a Survival Strategy
December 8, 2023
“Afraid to wake my parents, more afraid of being alone, my little hand finds hers. She holds me, and I’m safe until I sleep.”
I’m five years old, clawing my mattress with the same nightmare. Always, a vampire is chasing me through the house while I slam doors and climb into a cabinet, hiding. One by one, doors creak open; the cabinet swings wide. I scream. Fully awake, I race to my sister’s bed. Afraid to wake my parents, more afraid of being alone, my little hand finds hers. She holds me, and I’m safe until I sleep. I knew I could reach for her and she would respond, a trust forged through the thousands of distressing moments in our earliest years together.
As an attachment therapist, I spend days stoking universal attachment needs for approval, belonging, and care, a necessity for healthy survival. Without others, we literally die alone due to the fact that relationships are a protective factor for physical health, longevity, and mental health. Learning to reach for others to form emotional bonds is essential for human thriving. When I conduct attachment histories I ask clients, whom did you reach for when you were hurting and mom or dad was unwilling or unable to address the issue? The majority of the time, if they reached for anyone at all, it was a sister, biological or chosen.
Count yourself lucky if you were born into a biological sister relationship and have managed to make that bond durable and loving. After my first son died, my sisters were by my side for every contraction that brought my second son into the world. Over decades, many earthquakes rocked our families, our marriages, and our careers; my sisters remain constant. We fight to understand each other and fight to hold onto each other when we differ. The bond endures.
Sisterhood
"Sisterhood runs deeper than DNA, whether you're biologically related or an elite member of a chosen community."
Sisterhood runs deeper than DNA, whether you’re biologically related or an elite member of a chosen community. These unique friendships woven by common threads intertwined and strengthened over time, are elevated to a position of earned trust and reciprocity. We adopt these sisters into our lives and they remain there in a place of honor, though perhaps at times precariously, as I’ve lost some adopted sisters along the way. They have drifted away or have been rightfully exiled; the ones that remain are a lifeline. After a painful betrayal, I waited more than ten years to let other friends get close enough to risk a sisterhood connection, but it was worth it.
These sisters are the ones I call when catastrophe strikes. They hold me together through life’s undulating waves of grief, terror, joy, love, disappointment, and burnout. They remind me of who I am if ever I feel lost. They are my champions, my cheering section, and the ones pinned on my iphone text thread.
Have you been hurt by a sister, biological or chosen? Have you mended it or moved on? Have you risked letting others get close enough to know your needs and respond: to foster belonging, respect, and love? You are worthy of healing and connection. We need each other, and a sister, whether related or chosen, is a fine survival strategy.
Taler B. Jefferson, B.S., MSHS
Grassrooted Sisterhood
December 8, 2023
"Although, I have no biological sisters, my family, and my non-profit organization have brought so many sisterlike people into my life."
From the moment I was brought into this world, My mother and various family members instilled the importance of family and bonds. I come from a pretty large family; my great-grandparents had eight children and my grandparents had six children. My great-grandfather always said to us that if we don’t have anyone to turn to, we always have family. My great-grandparents extended their love throughout their community, their children, and their church. Our family home was the neighborhood safe house: a place where a person could always get a hot meal from Dave-Ella or always get good advice from Thomas.
My great-grandmother passed away when I was twelve but growing up, I remember her house was always full of people. After her transition to heaven, I would hang out from time to time with my great-grandfather, who joined his wife at ninety-four. Then, I focused on how my grandparents continued the legacy of love for their children, extended family, and community, driving me to want to do the same. At the time it seemed to be random people, but as I grew older, I realized they were people that my grandparents had positively impacted. People just loved to be around my grandparents. Seeing how individuals responded and respected my great-grandfather made me want to continue to live my life as my grandparents and my great-grandparents: helping and making a positive impact in the lives of others.
In 2018, I founded the nonprofit organization, The Salome Foundation, in honor of my great-grandparent’s legacy. The nonprofit’s main focus is to educate, rebuild, and serve the community, a legacy of pride for my great-grandparents. It has always been taught to me that serving and family comes first, after God. Although I have no biological sisters, my family, and my non-profit organization have brought so many sisterlike people into my life. Whenever I help others, I feel as if I am being a dedicated sister and showing people I care. I am also a member of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority which highlights sisterhood, service, scholarship, and social action. These are all commitments that I practiced even before joining DST’s illustrious organization because, again, my great-grandparents strived to instill these values into their descendants. Within my sorority, I have experienced sisterhood in so many ways, from crossing the burning sands together to my sisters being there for me during the untimely passing of my stepfather. My sorority family has further instilled in me exactly what it means to be a good and loving sister, part of a sisterhood.
Family, sisterhood, and service mean the world to me. I believe that humanity benefits from a healthy sisterhood because an adopted sister can help hold a person accountable. If I am not living up to the standard set by my family, by the sisterhood of Deltas, and by the mission of my nonprofit, if I do not live in the heritage set by my family and help people along the way, then I wasted the lessons set by Thomas and Dave-Ella. The Salome Foundation’s mission: committed to the rebuilding and restructuring of inner city/low-income areas to promote the possibilities of positive change within those designated areas keeps me focused and experiencing the advantages gained from sisterhood.
Yemi Lekuti, Ph.D., LPC, CGP
Blood and Water: Sisterhood
December 8, 2023
Sister bonds are a tricky concept to navigate, especially for an immigrant child living in America, and each half-sibling born years later in another country. When you exist as an ‘only child,’ who is often reminded that you are technically not part of the family and often reminded that there are oldest daughter expectations, one begins to question how the lines are drawn that distinguish who the family is and who is a friend. From the friends I have made and lost to structuring bonds with my blood sisters, I have learned that having those lifelong connections requires a different form of vulnerability. It requires courage.
In a plethora of environments, we are taught rules and expectations concerning blood relations and sisterhood. It is almost like no matter what your sister has done toward you— you must forgive because she is bonded to you. Literally. We are taught to support and love each other and to avoid speaking ill. Being the oldest of six children, that message was loud and clear, even though I did not know my siblings’ last names or birth dates. It is a role you were expected to play. You are blood. The interesting thing about true friends is that the rules and expectations of sisterhood are almost transferred over into friendships. Sink or swim. Even though I struggle with swimming in real life, I do butterfly strokes as I navigate friendships – friendships that have transitioned over that arbitrary line from friendships to sisters.
"I have been sworn to secrecy about the funniest matters; these stories have been the best inside jokes ever."
By definition, sisterhood (family and friends-wise) is the maintenance of shared experiences, connections, and mutual understandings that we see each other as friends. Then we become sisters when we have done enough questionable, jaw-dropping, and weird things around each other that did not scare either of us away. I have been sworn to secrecy about the funniest matters; these stories have been the best inside jokes ever. Side glances, nudges, sending quirky things that remind us of each other, being brave enough to say you did not like something done or said, and receiving an immediate response of honest accountability.
Some labels hold power because of the foundation of a relationship. They mean something; however, those without the best experiences become weary because of labels and meanings. Everyone cannot be your sister or friend. Sisterhood transcends blood or life connections. We are finding philia (friendship love) with unexpected people at unexpected times.
sisterhood
Toya McCray, B.A. Educational Psychology
Sisters by CHOICE
December 8, 2023
Sisterhood is an unbreakable bond that connects women, providing them with love and support that is hard to challenge and hard to break. I was fortunate to be raised in a village of strong women who taught me the true meaning of sisterhood. My village consisted of my mother, godmother, older sister, neighbors, friends, and classmates; they were a constant source of strength for me. As I grew older, my coworkers also became part of that bond. All played a crucial role in shaping me into the woman I am today.
However, I’ve come to accept that not all women understand how to create or maintain a sisterly bond. Some women do more harm than good and still consider themselves a friend to other women, lacking strong morals or even a street code. Growing up in Brooklyn, New York, I learned the street code: protect my sisters, and stick together. For me and the women in my life, sisterhood means supporting and looking out for each other. During our childhood, it was time spent doing each other’s hair; this made us feel good about ourselves.
As I became a woman, it was the determination we all had and the support we gave each other with adult tasks, like leasing apartments, and most importantly, making each other aware of how to survive and thrive. We shared tips on how to acquire food, furniture, clothes, school supplies, entertainment, and free activities in our neighborhoods.
I have genuine friends, many of them for over forty years. We may not go to bars or nightclubs as much anymore, but we stay connected through phone calls, texts, emails, gifts, invites to annual gatherings, and vacations.
To me, sisterhood is about letting your sisters, whether blood-related or not, know that you support and think about each one’s welfare. It’s about being an encouragement during low or rough times, and most importantly, reminding them to be the best in everything they do as women.
"I was fortunate to be raised in a village of strong women who taught me the true meaning of sisterhood."
Jennifer D. Wells, M.S., Judicial Administration,
B.A. Criminal Justice
Tackle Life With Me
December 8, 2023
"SISTERS/SISTERHOOD, what a blessing it is to have or have experienced a relationship with a sister, your sister, or be a part of a sisterhood."
The thought of being alone in this world and not being a part of something greater than myself is scary. I have never been alone or had to fend for myself. I always had a place in this world because I was born after a phenomenal individual who was waiting to tackle life with me. My sister. She has been constant ever since. On busy days at work, when the demands appear to outweigh my natural energy supply—even for just a moment, or the complex nature of the job weighs on my heart, I reach out to my sister with a phone call and just like that, our conversations create a sense of safety and security that fills my body because I know I have her unyielding support. I have not just her, but the others too— all these sisters there for me day and night create such comfort.
“Sisterhood” is an undervalued term. It is a connection and bond for life—having lived it, I know this to be a mighty statement! To be part of a sisterhood is to have a traveling partner(s) through this thing we call life. A Sister guides you like traffic signals: Stop, yield, and onward. My sisters are my biggest cheerleaders, yet they offer the roughest critiques. Without their support and guidance, navigating life would be difficult.
"Sisterhood is about having a person (or persons) whom I celebrate victories with, a shoulder to cry on when I am sad or hurting, or a friend to fix my crown when I doubt myself."
Being a sister and sisterhood are based on love and built on a foundation of respect, and a genuine investment of wanting the best version of yourself to shine a light in this world. I love the authenticity of a sister’s love. Sisters can fuss and fight amongst each other, but if an outside obstacle or adversary comes up against one of the women called sister, look out! Against the most challenging obstacles or biggest adversary, sisters bond together like David defeating Goliath and will not allow an outside enemy to come between the bond given to them at birth or the bond held in such high regard.
Sisterhood is about having a person (or persons) whom I celebrate victories with, a shoulder to cry on when I am sad or hurting, or a friend to fix my crown when I doubt myself. An individual who speaks life into me when I feel hopeless and a person who gives me validation when I lose my way. My sister(s) will aid in all these feats and not judge or look at me differently. They know who I am authentically, even when I do things out of character or if I am dead wrong. After the dust settles, I can see my sister standing there, extending her hand to pick me up and dust me off.
When times are at their best or if tragedy strikes, a sister never misses an opportunity to be there. Whether the chance to show support while going through chemotherapy or giving the Maid of Honor speech at weddings, you show up for your sister! Connected by blood or by bond, that connection that is part of a sisterhood, can sustain and help tackle life with your sister or sisters by your side.
Seek solace in knowing that you will never be alone, even when your sister is no longer with you physically. Sisterhood will carry on in the afterlife, and your sister will always live on in your heart. SISTERS/SISTERHOOD, what a blessing it is to have or have experienced a relationship with a sister, your sister, or be a part of a sisterhood.
Yolonda Stillwell-Williams, M.Ed
Where Rainbows Never Die
December 8, 2023
I’m an old man now
I can’t do nothing
Young folks don’t pay me no mind
But in my day I sure was something
Before I felt the heavy hand of time
I’m an old man now
Time to lay these burdens down
Had enough of this old world of worry
Gonna trade my troubles for a crown
[Chorus]
I will make my way across the fields of cotton
And wade through muddy waters one last time
And in my dreams I come out clean
Waste away the sunsets
One more mile before I’m through
Casting off these early chains
Going where there’s no more pain
[Chorus]
I’m an old man now
Can’t do nothing
Young folks don’t pay me no mind
*Song by Steeldrivers
"If sisterhood was personified, it is my sister, Brenda or Berri as she likes to be called."
I was half asleep listening to The Voice when I heard this. I am child five of six and the youngest daughter to the youngest daughter, Clara. My birth certificate says James Stillwell, but every person in town knows my real father is Frank Johnson. I will save that story for another time because this is about sisterhood.
Being the youngest girl gives one privilege. Dressed up on Easter, pretty on May Day, and the last one to know that Santa is not real. Technically, the last one to die. I once was young enough to be relieved about that and then life took away my four brothers and left me with a sister I hardly know. A sister who knew the younger Clara, differently from the older Clara. Young Clara was fun, drinking, dancing, men, life on the edge. My sister was my babysitter. My brothers loved me, but the management of diapers and minding went to Brenda. Older Clara worked, gardened, went to church, and helped folks out. My sister is almost ten years older than me so when I arrived from the hospital, she pretty much inherited me.
Nowadays when talking to her, I feel resentment brush off in the conversations. Sisterhood can be bitter, except for unconditional love. My sister was tall and dark with beautiful full hair, but I was yellow with sandy-red hair and could pass the paper bag test.
Folks always say you are such a cute little colored girl as I walked beside my sister. I was not noisy, but for a ten-year-old, I was much. Especially when she must not only mind me but fight off abusive men fighting Momma or drag her intoxicated up the stairs.
She was smart and a tomboy who loved to hang with our grandfather, Daddy Len when he worked on houses, but more than not, she was stuck with me. Now it is 2023, and all four of my brothers are dead, and my sister is still older. She reflects on their lives in stories I am too young to remember. Like when they would be riding, and Momma would stop on the road and pick berries for them to gobble down. Or when she joined the Navy to get out of Clarksville. Brenda lives in Arizona, and I live in Texas. I want to show her in some way I appreciate what she did, but how do you repay what you did not spend? If age is the factor, I will say goodbye first. Or will time be cruel and leave her without me? Which is more dismal?
I have friends I call sisters, but none gave up childhood for me. If sisterhood was personified, it is my sister, Brenda, or Berri as she likes to be called. No matter how financially rich, time is invaluable. What would have become of me if she had not been there to hold, diaper, cuddle, feed, wash, walk, teach, prep, mind, care, dress, drive, call, mentor, and comfort me? My story starts and ends with blood, the tie that binds me to my sister until one of us travels to where rainbows never die.
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