Hate Is Heavy and Unnecessary
08 May 2024 by J. Monique Gambles, LMFT
"Hate is easy and requires very little work."
“Kill them with kindness.” That’s what I was taught. But even that sounds trite these days. Besides, I wouldn’t want anyone to think my kindness wasn’t authentic. Kindness is my way of life because I believe in human connection. It’s necessary. If hate fills the heart, heaviness follows, which is the cause of unhappiness, not any one person.
A long time ago hate divided us for economic reasons. Today, hate is used in this country to sell stories, to continue to promote division, and for economic reasons. This same hate causes an individual to be blind to facts and focused on stereotypes created hundreds of years ago.
Hate is easy and requires very little work. It’s lazy, which is ironic. Hate is also a cop-out to keep the distance, disconnect, and limit exposure. What we learned as a society in the early 2000’s but quickly forgot, was that addiction was never an inner-city, black problem. People from every race fell prey to the drug epidemic. The vulnerability, and fracture in the nuclear family, and other groups such as Native Americans, LGBTQ+, and poorer Americans were also ripped apart by the debilitating impact of addiction. You’d think that would be enough to rethink this hate mentality.
Hate never died.
We never thought to come together to fight the disease. We made distinctions to cocaine by associating the crack form with poor blacks and the powder with affluent whites when neither was true. Today, we associate meth with one group, or heroine with one group, when an addict might use what’s available. Addiction doesn’t discriminate. Addiction has gotten worse and so has hate. Hate has been recycled into overt micro-aggressions, subliminal attacks on vulnerable populations, environmental sabotage in poor communities, and dismantling women’s rights. Not even women can help because they are not exempt from hating.
Some hate themselves, some hate other women, some hate their daughters, and some hate their mothers too. It feels like we can no longer count on some women to see how desperately we need to be united to combat hate.
Hate is about fear. The fear of being or becoming someone less admired. Or fear that the tables will turn, and any infliction pressed upon the undeserving, will find them with vengeance. But why now would such an uprising occur when so many have become more educated and connected to their heritage? A heritage that is rich in forgiveness. That is an unnecessary reach.
How can we reconcile this and lay down this burden of hate?
The remedy is love. Start with yourself then your family. Learn your parts and your history and reconcile by acknowledging, accepting, and forgiving. Learn about other groups and their history. Look for commonalities and be open to discussing and accepting differences. The toughest part is to be able to look at others as equal, to be able to be empathetic and to acknowledge there is a science to us to a certain degree. Our skin, and hair attributes were because of the regions of our ancestors. We have advanced enough as a society that we do not have to fight each other for food, position, or a place to call home.
We must no longer allow greed to keep hatred alive.
No amount of money can exempt any of us from the horrors of addiction, terminal sickness, and untimely death. The dash between when we are born and when we leave this earth is an opportunity for us to live in ways that connect us. Share our stories. Learn from our experiences. Help our fellow man. If we spend that time filled with hate, carrying it around disguised as a privilege, whether that privilege is race-based, gendered-based, or socioeconomic-based, we are missing out. And that is unnecessary.