THE REMEDY FOR IMPOSTER SYNDROME
Everybody’s Homegirl Podcast
"Freedom from these unrealistic expectations that I must be perfect, and I want to live in the KNOWLEDGE & CONFIDENCE that I am amazing just as I am!"
Imposter Syndrome. I first heard the term a few years ago when I started listening to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast. I wasn’t sure what the term meant, but I was intrigued because it seemed to describe me. Ultimately, I came to understand that imposter syndrome is a feeling that you don’t belong. You might be super successful, killing it at home and work. The people on the outside looking in might even say that you are clicking on all cylinders. Amazing, right? Right… Well, if they know the truth, people would be shocked to learn that despite all your success, you are really crying on the inside because you are terrified that pretty soon people will discover the real you–a timid, insecure little girl who is just trying every day not to fuck shit up.
On a typical day, I always struggle with the thought that I am not doing enough. That I am not achieving at acceptable levels. There’s always this nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I’m a failure. It does not matter how well I performed, who gave me high praise, or if I reached a goal that I set. When it’s all said and done, I am constantly assessing and reevaluating how I can be and do better. That is how imposter syndrome shows up in me. What appears to be drive and perfectionism is really just fear. A fear that my work, my worth, is insignificant.
Most days, this criticism of myself is minor, fleeting almost. I pray and tell myself, “Girl! You are trippin’!” I move on, recognizing that such thoughts are not true. They are not worth entertaining. Lately, though, I have been dealing with an extra strength dose of the “you ain’t ish,” and I can’t shake it. Let me give you an example of TJC-style imposter syndrome.
In 2018, I revived my long-dormant writing career, and part of that process involved setting goals about where I wanted my career to go. I gave myself special markers to let me know I had achieved the success I wanted. I circled those markers in prayer, and then I started working. Here I am, six years later. I am seeing the manifestation of those prayers. Those prayers for success are being answered and coming to life. Exciting, right? Wrong!
You would think that I am ecstatic about living my dreams. I should shout from the rooftops. I recently received news that one of my prayers has been answered, and instead of excitement and joy, all I feel is fear, dread, and insecurity.
They must have the wrong person?” “Have they actually read my book? If they had, they would not be giving me this opportunity?” The fact that I am writing this article is an answer to a prayer from many years ago. Instead of gratefulness, I am stunned that the editor continues to allow me to share my thoughts with you.
Luckily, Jesus tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Isn’t this what you asked me for? Did you think I wasn’t listening, that I didn’t hear you?”
I learned a long time ago that God is who He says He is, God can do what He says He can do, and I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength (check out the bible study by Beth Moore, Believing God). After a good session with my therapist, I realized that imposter syndrome shows up in me as a lack of faith. Lack of faith that I deserve to be and do all that God has promised me. It’s a fear of success. A fear that I am not worthy of living out my dreams and that I am not competent and capable. Crazy, right? RIGHT!
If you spend any amount of time with me, you soon learn that I am hard on myself (and others too), and I am driven. When I focus on something, I give it my all. I’m locked in and won’t stop until it is done to my standards. All that drive and perfectionism is rooted in imposter syndrome–my fear that if I don’t get things exactly right, then I’m a failure.
It’s time I let those thoughts go. I have put in over half a century here on this earth and am tired of the prison of fear. I want to live the second half of my life in freedom. Freedom from these unrealistic expectations that I must be perfect, and I want to live in the KNOWLEDGE & CONFIDENCE that I am amazing just as I am!
Years ago, my pastor’s daughter would sing a song on Sunday mornings called “Encourage Yourself.” It was one of my favorite songs. It’s a reminder that when things get rough when you are down on yourself, it’s okay to encourage yourself to stay positive and believe that things will work out. In this season of my life, it is my responsibility to encourage myself.
Being excited when I reach a goal or fulfill a dream is alright. As a matter of fact, it is expected that I celebrate and stand on business when I WIN. Say to myself, “Girl! You did that!” That is not being cocky but confident. Confidence is the remedy for imposter syndrome.