Marcia Johnson-Chatman M.S., GSC, MSpED

Period. Those were the words spoken from my family’s lips growing up. I was raised by my great-grandparents. Growing up in the seventies and eighties, some families believed that what was done in the house should not be shared with anyone. Hearing these words for years became a habit hard to break. 

Those words did not protect me then and they have not protected me now. I understand that one must be careful when sharing ideas that warrant trust; however, it is important to have a community of people, or should I say a village of people whom to lean on in times of trouble. At the age of eighteen, I had to become more adult because the last living guardian, my great-grandma, transitioned home.

 
It can be seriously lonely in a world where one cannot share or trust anyone. Initially, I began opening up and confiding in people I perceived to care about me. Unfortunately, this was not the case; they were only out to listen to either use my revelations against me or for gossip, so, I began to create stones in my heart that soon built walls. I thought it was okay at first; it felt safe. Until it wasn’t. 

Those walls I thought would keep away hurt, also kept me from receiving the love I so desperately needed. My father-in-law once told me, The love is there, you just have to be willing to receive it. His suggestions still resonate within me today. I began to build a relationship with God, which provided the courage to open up and allow people into my personal space.

 
I’ve learned and am still learning that we need people, good people. People who care enough to allow a confidante the freedom and space to share secrets. Experience has taught me to trust again and provided me the courage to let people in and share what I previously kept to myself about that event or thought that once hurt me but grew me to become the person I am today. There are good people, great people out there who genuinely care and are concerned, and others who could benefit and heal from hearing about your secrets and your life lessons.

I say all this to say it is important to release the burden of carrying private thoughts and musings alone. However, it’s equally important to practice caution when sharing these secrets, even with trusted sources. The good, the bad, and the ugly can bring on stress, depression, and anxiety so seek solace in prayer or guidance from a spiritual leader to help navigate. Trust that religious leaders will point the way toward individuals who genuinely care.