My Journey
"I have made a commitment to myself that I am going to love on me."
I was pretty shocked to say the least, but honored when I was approached to write something encouraging for a magazine; and one dedicated to my sister’s at that! What a joy and a privilege; so, I say thank you Sister.
Sisterhood is a word/term that I don’t use lightly. When used properly, the term alone holds value. To honor, respect, encourage, uplift, converse, sip tea, laugh, cry, and pray with my sister’s I must do one essential act: Love on Me.
On my journey, I have made a commitment to myself that I am going to love on me. I have learned that loving myself is not selfish, conceited or stuck up, love is a four-letter word and when put together, can cause so much joy, yet give a great amount of pain. The word and the actions of this word are powerful. It is the pain in my life that has allowed me to grow and mature into the woman of peace God created me to be. I like to think that it’s God’s way of assuring me that I’m never alone; I got this!
Learning to love on me has taught me that my journey begins with forgiving myself, the mistakes I’ve made, and all the wrongdoings I have done both knowingly and unknowingly. Letting go of the past that disturbs my peace was and still is necessary for my journey.
I am still in the early process of my journey. There is so much to obtain, and self-care is key to creating a wonderful life. Forgiving myself and letting go of my past is just the beginning. It has freed up so much mental space. I am on the right path and will continue on it to enjoy the things and people that add value to my life. This includes positive vibes, spending time with God first and foremost, and creating wonderful memories with my husband, family, and friends.
Healing To Be Whole
January 1, 2024
It started with a man. For the first time in my adult life, I met a man who made me feel so safe. He deserved to have the healed version of me. He provided a safe space where misunderstandings led to conversations where our feelings were valid. Even during the times when we disagreed, if something felt off, he asked. And because of how significant he was to me, I answered instead of choosing to shut down. In this reality, I wanted to be a more whole woman, so I started exploring healing.
Honestly, I thought it would just happen. Silly me! I didn’t realize the amount of work you must do to be in a place of healing. Let’s be honest: a woman may talk about healing, but rarely will she talk about the fact that healing can be more challenging than the moments that hurt you.
"I learned that healing means sitting in the moment. . . "
I’m an energy magnet. A plethora of people are drawn to my energy. On the outside, it would appear nothing gets me down. I smile. My face reflects happiness, and when I feel my Libra scales unbalanced, I give myself twenty-four hours to get it together. But once I started to go on my journey to heal, it became apparent that twenty-four hours was not nearly enough.
I learned that healing means sitting in the moment, and here I was, sitting in the moment, raw and exposed, and yes, unhealed. Bishop TD Jakes posed the question: what do you do when your emotions are left homeless? In the past, I often told myself I was okay, even on days I was fighting just for everyday normalcy. Why? Because that was who I was supposed to be. But now, here I was, protective walls crumbled, feelings uncovered, and emotions homeless. Then I ran across a sermon by Sarah Jakes Roberts called Glory Triggers. One of her points explains that our triggers allow us to hide behind the junk, and if we avoid the triggers, we avoid the healing connected to the moment. And there it was. I realized all the exposed emotions are junk! And as hard as it was, I forced myself to sit in the feelings that the junk produced.
Once I sat among the junk rather than hiding behind it, I learned that healing does not look a certain way or wear an expression. Somedays, it may look like staying in bed for an entire week bawling. Others, it may look like filling pages in my journal with hurts, frustrations, and promises or sitting in my prayer closet with absolutely nothing but God’s presence. But every day, it felt like becoming a little more peaceful within myself, a little more forgiving, and a little more healed.
If you’re reading this while on your journey, may you be kind, patient, and forgiving to yourself, and may today be the day you heal privately from the circumstances you never speak of publicly.
Monica Marchi, PhD
No Matter What
January 1, 2024
I met Sandra through some common Italian friends. Even though I live here, and she lives in Italy, we became very close right away, like we had known one another forever. She and her husband also visited the States once a year during Thanksgiving, and our friendship became stronger and stronger. I go home to Italy twice a year, so we had time to grow our friendship. We shopped, traveled, tried new restaurants, confided in one another, you know, the usual things girlfriends do. I was elated because, finally, I had found a true friend. No matter how much or little time we spent on the same continent, our friendship was there. However, everything changed in 2020, when COVID hit.
"Anna told me to be patient and understanding. After all, we all think differently."
The same year, my dad was diagnosed with a rare bladder cancer, but we were hopeful he would make it. I was stuck here, in the States, because my Italian passport had expired and I could not travel to Italy with my American one. Additionally, I was afraid of getting sick and bringing COVID to my parents. I kept calling Sandra to find out about the situation there, and, as everyone knows, it was bad!
My parents kept reassuring me they were fine, but I knew they were not. Sandra convinced me to go home. I got my passport renewed and flew home. Dad passed away four days later. She was there when I got home from the hospital after saying my last goodbye to Dad, she was there at the funeral, and she was there afterward, while I was grieving my dad’s passing. We spent the Christmas holidays together and enjoyed each other’s company.
Six months later, she became a militant anti-vaxxer. She and her husband had caught COVID and were sick for a while, so I could not understand her position on vaccination. I believe in science and was glad a vaccine was now available. It was mind-boggling because I expected she would think like I did, but to my disdain she did not. And that hurt, hurt badly… hurt me to the core. We kept in touch with somewhat frigid phone calls and quick visits at coffee shops. I even admitted to another girlfriend of ours, Anna, that I was having a hard time keeping up with the friendship because of how differently we were dealing with the COVID-19 mess. Anna told me to be patient and understanding. After all, we all think differently.
I listened to Anna and realized that Sandra and I could still be friends, even if she did not believe in science. I understood that she was probably feeling the same about me and called me a sheep because I got the vaccine. I understood that, even if my brain could not accept her thinking, my HEART could accept her as a human being. And now, we still shop till we drop, try new restaurants, and spend time together, like we always have.
Sharonda Prioleau Ed.D.
Harmony Reclaimed: Sisterhood, Healing and Making Amends
January 1, 2024
Growing up, I always wanted a sister. Having a younger brother did not compare to the bonds I saw formed between sisters on television. My mother had eight sisters, and I longed to reminisce over fun times over the phone for hours and share secrets as they did. I later learned that sisterhood extends beyond familial ties. However, it is because my mom had eight sisters that she shared with me memories of petty arguments, the tendencies to be jealous, and the emotionally and physically unavailable times. It was not until adulthood that I experienced those petty arguments and jealous tendencies with women who were friends turned sisters and learned the true meaning behind sisterhood, healing, and making amends to reclaim harmony.
"We cried, struggled, prayed, and broke bread together."
I never joined a sorority in college, so my circle of sisters consisted of a few women I attended college with, a few women I worked with, and a few women I went to church with. I valued experiencing new things with them: making memories, traveling, and growing mentally. We cried, struggled, prayed, and broke bread together. Still, the inevitable happened: the once strong circle began to unravel by what now seems very small and evitable, those petty arguments, tendencies to be jealous, and emotionally and physically unavailability.
As we evolved in life and found our paths: men, new relationships, babies, hysterectomies, promotions, misread texts, social media, the forgetting of essential dates, comparisons, and misunderstandings turned our daily calls, Essence Festival trips, and dinner dates into months, which led to years of no communication.
"...so I vowed to myself to make the first call to make amends."
As time passed, I relocated to another city and became friends with a lady who invited me on her fortieth birthday trip after only knowing me for a year. I was hesitant at first because she had asked her closest girlfriends, and I was over being around a bunch of women that, in my mind, would only end up disappearing anyway. Watching them laugh and reminisce over years of old times made me think of my friends and the strong sisterhood we once had, so I vowed to myself to make the first call to make amends.
Healing is different for each person. For me, healing started with listening, understanding, taking accountability, not placing blame, and making the first step, regardless of who was right or wrong or who did what. Sisterhood is about supporting one another, uplifting one another, and promoting the well-being of one another. I surprised each friend with a Value Jar for Christmas that year. In a simply decorated mason jar, on folded strips of paper, I wrote memories of inside jokes, funny times, or a specific time they came through for me, basically anything that made us bond. Writing each memory was healing for me. I was able to reflect, cry, and not sweat the small, irrelevant stuff that made us drift apart. As a tradition, we now meet each year and exchange Value Jars. It confirms our sisterhood and keeps us in harmony, and on a rough day, reading the memories keeps us connected.
